Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
