I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize