he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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