i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
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Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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