I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
