I've blown a few things in my day
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
