I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
