Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
