Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
