when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
