The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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