You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
is wine microwaveable?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
