Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
