Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
