farters have to be the big spoon...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize