Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
