I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
