you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
