we're blogging at a bar
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
