normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
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My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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