her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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