Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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