Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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