the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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