Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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