I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
