Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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