Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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