Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
