can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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