Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
