i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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