What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
