Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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