Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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