some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
