I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.