i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over