My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.