you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My hand turned me down
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...