My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.