1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything