I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
