Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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