a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
