Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
