dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
