i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
