So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
