It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
