Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
