It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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