weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
