I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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