Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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