Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize