Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
