Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
