how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize