i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
