Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
