dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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