Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
